I'm gonna give you three words: -Saudade -Hiraeth
Those three words have something in common, and that thing is quite simple.
Longing. "Saudade" is the deep nostalgia for something that's long gone, while also having hope for the future. "Hiraeth" is a longing for a time and place you've never been, or a real homesickness for a place you can never return to. "Anemoia" is a new word, meaning nostalgia for a time you've never known.
Being in self isolation (well, staying with an awesome friend and their family, so I have people to self isolate with) has given me a LOT of time to reflect deeply, more than usual. Everything before that would be comparable to a vampire looking into a silver backed mirror (if you know, you know). Letting myself reflect that much has left me absolutely scattered, and now I'm figuring out how to at least arrange the pieces.
That also means sweeping away mental cobwebs and letting more sunlight in.
And surprise! I'm terrible at that! Sometimes, it's almost sisyphean.
But, in order to move on, peace needs to be made, with every aspect of your existence.
We cannot go back to the past.
But you see, there is deep fear in what you can't entirely control.
Being better, for all we know, can just be a friendly game of Russian Roulette.
But it's a chance we'll have to take.
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